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Nazrin Abdul

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As Valentine’s Day approaches, the idea of a soulmate - the one perfect person meant just for you - looms large in our imagination. Across history, humans have been captivated by the notion that love is not random. In ancient Greece, Plato told of humans once whole, with four arms, four legs, and two faces, split in two by Zeus; ever since, each half searches for its other, giving birth to the modern notion of soulmates. In the Middle Ages, tales of Lancelot and Guinevere recast love as a lofty, often unattainable devotion, where knights proved their worth through self-sacrifice.

But what does modern science say about “The One”? - AzerNEWS, citing a report by BBC, explores recent research into the psychology of love and the concept of soulmates.

Professor Viren Swami traces the European understanding of romantic love to medieval stories of Camelot. "These stories first pushed the idea that you should choose one individual as your companion for life," he says. Prior to that, love in Europe was fluid and not necessarily sexual. Swami adds that industrialization uprooted communities, leaving individuals alienated and seeking one person to “save” them from the isolation of modern life.

Today, dating apps attempt to quantify this search, turning romance into a form of “relation-shopping,” Swami says. Users swipe through dozens of profiles, often feeling the experience is “soulless” rather than meaningful.

Professor Jason Carroll frames the discussion differently. While humans are naturally attachment-driven and crave deep bonds, he distinguishes between soulmates and “The One.” “A soulmate is simply found, pre-made. A ‘one and only’ is something two people carve out together over years of adapting, apologizing, and sometimes gritting their teeth,” Carroll says.

Carroll’s research, compiled in The Soulmate Trap, highlights the difference between “destiny beliefs” - that true love should feel effortless - and “growth beliefs,” which focus on working to strengthen the relationship. Studies led by Professor C. Raymond Knee show that those who cling to destiny beliefs often doubt their commitment after conflicts, while growth-minded couples remain committed even through disagreements.

Carroll warns that the “soulmate trap” can set unrealistic expectations. The most meaningful relationships, he says, are those where partners witness not only each other’s strengths but also vulnerabilities. “If relationships are going to last, it’s never just a downhill run,” he says.

In short, love isn’t just about destiny - it’s about the work, compromise, and growth that couples share over a lifetime.