By Elnur Huseynov
Socrates said "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
So, as you probably guessed I am not a philosopher, well, at least at this stage as I have not explored the beauty of my family life to full extent so far. When I am at home and my wife is cooking, which is not often, thankfully, I do think about my bachelor moments. About two years ago, I was a bachelor even though I had two Master degrees at that time, I still was a bachelor, anyways.
Now, I am married. and I said to myself, what a wonderful world, oh no, that is from another musical. I said to myself, If I get married, I want to be very married. And, now I am, very married indeed, but do you, by any chance, know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Ok, I am kidding. Seriously, I am kidding.
My beloved wife's poor English language skills give me an absolute carte blanche to write whatever is kept out there, but no need to tell her. It is not that I am afraid or something, no no. There are many things actually. Speaking about cooking for example, there is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.
In any case, there are two sides of the marriage coin, as for example when women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. Both parties have their own perspective and you know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly, someone else sails along for the ride.
Marriage is a serious decision which will influence all your decisions in life, so you should be ready and mature for that. Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are, you will not go wrong. The same does actually go for her too.
People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other's personalities. Who wouldn't? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that's not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner's faults honestly and say, "I can work around that. I can make something out of it." Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it's always going too pretty and sparkly, but the stuff underneath can ruin you. Others marry and insist on radically changing him or her, and if she works ten years to change a man and fails, she then complains he's not the man she married? Come on, man, or woman.
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. Women are not rational, but emotional. But no, sometimes too rational, like marrying for money is rational. One word. Disaster. Two words. Complete Disaster. It seems quite common now to look for interest in marriage, the interest rate, I mean. This entire money thing, connections and so on, do bother a lot. Societal rituals impose its pressure on young ladies and even gentlemen, though I can hardly use this term to refer to the latter who opt for marrying for money or a position in business or government or what you have. With women, it seems strange but kinda common or even acceptable, though not acceptable for me personally. With men, it does not fit in the head, and not only my head, I hope. While no woman marries for money, as they all are clever enough, before marrying a millionaire they fall in love with him first. The men, however, who do this are barely called man in classic English Oxford Dictionary definition. Don't get me wrong, if you love him or her, and he or she is rich, it is just happened that the person is wealthy, then it is fine, it just should not be the reason why you want to marry. If you have to actually catch a man to get a husband, may be you don't need one.
I can sound conservative, as I am one, and say that love's about finding the one person who makes your heart complete. Who makes you a better person than you ever dreamed you could be. It's about looking in the eyes of your wife or husband and knowing all the way to your bones that she or he is simply the best person you've ever known.
And in the end, sweetheart, if you read this and I know that you don't, do know this: a good wife always forgives her husband, even when she's wrong, and yes, you cook just unbelievably well that I can't believe I am eating that. Love you. Smile.
Your old new friend,